Damnit! Janet!
by Chopkins
Summary: A merry band of original characters (THE NUANCES OF TOAST) are harassed by a suspicous band of exchange students from Canada looking for the illusive "Janet". (Implied shonen-ai shojo-ai) [There's a more thorough summary on the inside]
1. Part One

Author's Note: First and foremost, this is kind of a spin-off of Juvenile Orion: the main characters are almost all original; however, the original cast of J.O. as well as the faction system has remained intact (though the original J.O. kids play smaller parts). You should also know that this is a link in a never-ending chain of _The Nuances of Toast _fanfics. You should also know that I'm not the only one writing these. My good friend KalliopeStarmist has written a Nuances fic called _What Happens in Weiss, Stays in Weiss _which is a crossover with Weiss Kreuz. There are also three other writers who haven't posted any of their Nuancely writings (all five Nuances of Toast are based on the five writers)… Anyway, I've bothered you all enough. Enjoy.

**The Nuances of Toast**

**in**

"**Damnit! Janet!"**

Written by Bono Von Bono in association with the other Nuances Part One 

All was quiet as a pleasant, late spring breeze blew through the gaping hole in Michiko Izumi's classroom (installed by Cyrano Ando and her massive car, partnered with poor motor vehicle operation). No one had said anything for nearly twenty minutes, not even Michiko herself. Many students had fallen asleep, lulled by the warm zephyr and the rustle of the leaves in the trees. Others felt oddly uncomfortable with the silence and the apathy of their instructor, and everyone else.

"Michiko? Are you gonna teach us anything today, or what?" Amaya asked.

"No, there will be no teaching or learning in this classroom: I forbid it." Miss Izumi replied monotonously, not even glancing up from the trashy, romance novel—purchased for eighty-nine cents at the local supermarket—which she had been reading.

"Umm… Why?" Asked Bono.

"Because I'm a horrible excuse for a teacher! My life is hell! The rest of the faculty hates me _still _and are hazing me by not fixing my wall and they probably won't get around it until _well _into winter and we're all going to suffer! This is your punishment for having such a worthless sack of crap for a homeroom teacher, kiddies!"

There was an excruciatingly long moment of silence, before a random, no-name girl broke out in a fit of sobbing. The sound of the highly emotional, unnamed girl's wailing went on for another, longer, more painful moment.

"Will someone please shut her the fuck up!" Cyrano exclaimed, rising from her seat.

Suddenly the door flung open without warning, silencing the crying girl, Cyrano and anyone else that had begun to make commotion. All eyes turned to the threshold of the doorway.

"Uhh… Is this English Literature with Miss Izumi?" An oafish-looking fellow with long, lusterless, black hair asked. Behind him stood three others, none too savory-looking. Michiko said nothing, nor did anyone else; and they all remained perfectly still—Cyrano didn't even sit back down—all somewhat thinking that if they stayed motionless, these frightening aliens to the classroom wouldn't be able to see them.

"… Hello?"

Finally, Amaya dared to speak up. "… Michiko… I think somebody wants to talk to you…"

"Oh! Yes! Of course! I'm Miss Izumi, and this is my class… English Literature." Michiko responded, snapped out of her trance-like state.

The apparent leader of the little group stepped up to her desk; his three lackeys followed. "Uhh… Yeah… We're the new, foreign-exchange students from Janet."

"Janet!" Michiko repeated.

"Canada!"

"Oh… Okay… Umm… There are some empty seats behind Bono and Amaya… We're not doing anything today… so I hope you brought something EXTREMELY QUIET to keep you busy… I'm having an all-too-frequent emotional-breakdown and I don't need any excess noise."

"Exchange students, eh?" Cyrano whispered to Rainbow (who sat at the desk in front of her), as she finally sat back down. "Wonder what we exchanged for _them_."

"I'm guessing another season of _One Piece _that they'll just slaughter like everything else they touch." Rainbow angsted. "I hate the English language."

"… Then why did you take this class?"

"I didn't, I've been skipping Japanese Current Events all year to be in here."

"… Why?"

"Because I got all angsty thinking about how I was the only Nuance not in English Literature right after lunch."

With peace restored to the room, finally, Bono fell asleep facedown on his desk, not even the noticing that the suspicious new students had surrounded he and Amaya, who sat near the back-left corner of the room, due to an unfortunate seating chart on Michiko's part, which separated them from Cyrano and Rainbow. The supposed "leader" of the four at in the corner, and other tall, brutish one with a blonde ponytail sat beside Bono (who, of course, didn't notice, being unconscious); it was the two who sat behind she and Bono, that made her the most uncomfortable; although, they were quite a bit less intimidating than their cohorts (the one behind her being tall and lanky, with glasses and all-around goofy-looking; the one behind Bono was barely five feet tall… and of questionable gender… If he was a man, he was a very feminine man; if he was a woman, he was a very unattractive woman).

"… I donno about my brother…" Maria Von Bono expressed to Amaya (her baking partner) as the two of them sat at a table in Home Economics, the next period, with aprons on, sleeves rolled up passed their elbows and their forearms covered in flour. "… I think he might be a little queer."

"Maxim? Of course he's a little queer; he's the littlest queer I know." Amaya replied. "Haven't you heard about him dressing up as his alter ego—'Maxine'—and going out at night to exchange sexual favors for money?"

Maria stared in shock for a moment. "… No, but thank you for the lovely visual, Amaya!" She then took a large drink of water from a nearby glass and wiped the perspiration from her forehead with a rag. "… Besides, I'm not talking about Maxim; I've know he's a little queer since he was born."

"Fjord's not gay! He gropes my ass every time I stop over… By the way, tell him to stop that!"

"Will you let me finish a thought! … I'm talking about… you know…"

Amaya stared at her for a moment. "… You don't mean… you know…?"

"I know… do you know?"

"Wait, what! You've got me all confused!"

"I'm talking about Bono!"

"… The guy from U2?"

"No, my brother. What's up, Amaya? You seam so out-of-it."

"Oh lord, it's these foreign-exchange students from Canada… or Janet, I don't know… They're just giving me a really bad vibe."

"… Janet?"

"I donno…"

A buzzer on the stove went off, signaling that their baking project was finished.

"The bagels are done; I'm gonna go get them out of the oven." Maria said, rising from her chair. She came back moments later with two plates, balanced on her left arm and cream cheese in her right hand. She sat down and spread some of the cream cheese on it before taking a bite.

"Mmm, they're not bad, Amaya. You should try some."

Warily, Amaya picked up the other bagel and took a bite. "I guess they're alright… but what are these little, gritty things?"

"Those are the poppy seeds."

Amaya immediately stopped chewing and stared, petrified. "… Did you say 'poppy seeds'?"

"Umm… Yeah?"

Amaya spat out a large bite of chewed up bagel onto the tabletop and let out a blood-curdling scream.

"What's the matter?" Maria asked, very concerned.

"I can't believe you let me eat poppy seeds!"

"Well, what did you think was gonna be in a 'poppy seed bagel'!"

Amaya let out another scream, grabbed her purse and dashed out of the classroom.

On the other side of Sushi-Teriyaki-Sake High School, Rainbow was making her way back to study hall from the library, where she had been harassing her "friends" the librarians, who she believed had been plotting against her for years… though there was really no evidence of this, other than their utter hatred for her, which was no different than their utter hatred of all teenagers, especially ones with punk-ass hippy names like "Rainbow" and "Bono" and "Cyrano". "Damn western names!" The traditional, crotchety, old librarians thought.

Suddenly! "Secret Agent Rainbow!" Was heard from behind her, in an eerie voice that made her jump a little bit.

"… Yes! … Who dares to call out my fake name!" She answered as boldly as she could manage, without turning around to see her addressor.

"Tob."

"… 'Tob'? … Do you have a cold?"

"No."

"… So you're name is really 'Tob', and you're not just mispronouncing 'Tom' due to a stuffed-up nose?"

"Exactly."

"… How odd…"

For a moment, the two stood there—Rainbow's back still turned to the person she was speaking with—and said nothing.

"… Well, I have to go to study hall, bye!" Rainbow said quickly and started to run off, when she felt a hand grab her by the shoulder and push her up against the wall. Finally, she was able to get a good look at the mysterious "Tob": it was the leader of the creepy, foreign exchange students from Canada… or Janet… whatever; and he was standing uncomfortably close to her, so as to insure that she couldn't run.

"AAHH! Don't rape me! I've seen after-school specials strangely similar to this and they never turn out well for victemous heroines like me!" Rainbow exclaimed.

"Shut up! I'm not gonna rape you!" Tob replied.

"Oh… okay… Do you have any gum?"

"What do you know about Janet?"

"'Janet'? Nothing. Who _is _'Janet'? Isn't that where you're from?

"No! Canada!"

"… Then why did you tell Miss Izumi you were from 'Janet'? … Is Janet somewhere in Europe? In fact, is it an obscure, European nation? My friend Bono is from one of those and I've been trying to get him to tell me the name, but he always says the same thing: 'Rainbow, you tell me you're real name and I'll tell the name of the obscure, European nation that I rule'." She rambled. "… Sassy bastard."

"… Can you even hear yourself!"

"Of course I can."

"… Just tell me what you know about Janet."

"I'm tellin' ya, I don't know any Janet."

Tob glared for a long moment and then stepped away from her.

"Janet is watching you!" He said menacingly, as he walked off in the direction from which he came. Rainbow stood where she was, not moving, for a moment, when he came back. "… I was going in the wrong direction… I'm really not that dumb… Really…" Rainbow remained motionless and silent. "… SHUT UP! JANET'S WATCHING YOU!"

"AAAAAAHHHHHHH!" Amaya screamed as she darted into the girls' bathroom and over to the sink. She quickly opened up her purse and pulled out a toothbrush and travel-sized tube of toothpaste. She clumsily and anxiously smeared the paste on the brushed and scrubbed her mouth until her gums began to bleed. With her sanity restored, she rinsed her mouth and gazed at herself in the mirror. She felt guilty for yelling at Maria: it's not her fault, she didn't know of Amaya's unexplained, irrational fear of poppy seeds.

"I'm watching you Amaya Takehiko!" An unsettling voice said from behind her.

Amaya shrieked and whirled around to see the top of the head of the short, androgynous exchange student, poking up from a nearby stall. When she… or he… "it" (I guess), saw that he/she/it had gotten Amaya's attention, he/she/it jumped down from the toilet he/she/it was standing on, and exited the stall.

"… Who are you?" Amaya asked with fear in her voice and expression.

"They call me 'Groundsquirrel'." It replied.

"… Why?"

"… I donno."

"… I guess you _do _look a little like a rodent."

"Hey! … Fuck you!"

"… Did you want to talk to me about something?" Amaya asked, her feelings of disturbance with this funny, little creature subsiding.

"Yes, actually." Groundsquirrel replied. "You're gonna tell me everything you know about Janet!"

"Janet? Who's that?"

"I think you know."

"… You do?"

"I do."

"I don't."

"TELL ME!"

"I CAN'T!"

"Well… You won't get away out of this so easy Amaya Takehiko." Groundsquirrel walked over to the door, blocking it. "We're just gonna wait here 'til you _'remember' _something about Janet! Groundsquirrel is not a man to be trifled with!"

"… You're a _boy_?"

"You know what, fuck you! FUCK YOU!"

"… I have to get back to home ec. and convince my baking partner I'm not crazy… I'll… see you around or something, creepy, little man who lurks in the girls' restroom asking them about 'Janet'." She paused a moment. "Is Janet an ex-girlfriend? Are you being the 'jealous ex-boyfriend' type and going around asking everyone about her because you're afraid she might have a new significant other because you're insecure about your manhood? … That's not very attractive, you know?"

"No! I'm not Janet's girlfriend!"

"Obviously."

"… Fuck you! Janet is all-seeing and all-knowing and… really cool!"

Amaya had had enough. "Alright, fine, whatever, I don't care! I have to get to class!"

"No you can't! Not until you tell me about Janet!"

Amaya said nothing more to him. She walked right up to him, pushed him on the floor, then walked overtop of him and out of the restroom.

"Hey! Janet it watching you!"

"Whatever!"

Michiko spent every planning period in the teachers' lounge, lying on the couch with her arm over her eyes to block out the light. She would pop a few benadryl, pass out and wake up refreshed enough to make it through her last two class (the latter of which featured Fjord Von Bono, Sushi-Teriyaki-Sake High School's resident hell-raiser and Bono's younger brother by two years, though, due to the screwy system for putting students in their grades, he was only one year behind him in school).

No other teacher ever used the lounge anymore, not even the valiant math instructor, Tomonori Nakaura. The students had been given the freedom to come and go from the place as they pleased ever since the year before, when a violent rebellion over the use of the lounge's soda machine by the students was ended by the signing of a secret treaty between the principal, vice principal, dean of students and the school's most notorious chaos-inducing couple: Naoya Itsuke and the Nuances' very own Secret Agent Rainbow (of course this was well before the Nuances of Toast was formed, not to mention before she knew any of them, save Amaya).

It was for this reason that Bono Von Bono simply walked into the teacher's lounge, stuck a dollar in the machine… kicked it a little… cursed… a lot… and finally received his soda… which turned out to be diet, which he hated… causing him to curse more.

"Piece of shit."

"Huh!" Michiko muttered, as she was jolted from her slumber on the sofa beside the soda machine.

"AAHH!" Bono exclaimed. "Michiko! I didn't see you there! Did I wake you up?"

"What? … No, it's fine; I was just resting my eyes. What are you doing here?"

"Getting a soda so I can stay awake during Nakaura's class." Bono replied, ever the left-brain thinker, who could not comprehend algebra to save his life or anyone else's. "But the goddamn machine gave me caffeine-free, diet… so basically I'm fucked and out a buck-twenty-five… You want it?"

"No thanks Bono… Never mind, I changed my mind." Michiko replied, snatching the carbonated beverage from his hand. "I could use the sugar for a little pep."

"… Diet doesn't have any sugar in it, Michiko."

"Aspartame! Whatever!"

"… That stuff gives you cancer, you know."

"Good. I'll be sure to bleed all over the goddamn administrators of this hellhole when I catch it."

"… Are you feeling all right? You sound angstier than you usually do."

"I'm fine… No I'm not." She confessed. "I get the feeling something catastrophic is going to happen… but I just can't place what."

"Ha! Michiko, you're just being paranoid; nothing catastrophic ever happens around here." Bono replied. "… Except for that whole, rogue mind-breaker kidnaps Mana Kirihara, does god-knows-what to her, lures the rest of the original cast of Juvenile Orion to her secret hideout and then attempts to kill them… and then Kaname turns into a god and tries to kill everyone… but they all live happily-ever-after regardless of that, after all is said and done."

"Hmm… That may be so, Bono, but you should watch you back anyway… And your siblings too: don't let them out of the house by themselves."

"Why? Do you think that something's gonna happen to them?"

"No. I just think it's creepy to see Maxim walk around in that wig."

"Oh…"

At that, Bono bid Michiko farewell and sat off for Tomonori's _Time-Consuming Algebra: Grade 10 _classes (which translated to "algebra for the lazy, sinful hippies, who Tomonori would beat more regularly if the Catholic priests weren't already in much hot water over various abuses of minors") which he was already late for.

Suddenly, as he was walking down the hall, his keen, Arayashiki senses flared up and he began to feel as if he were being stalked. He turned around: nothing behind him, so he continued onward. He walked on for a while before he got the same feeling once again. Again, he turned around to find no one. At this point he found himself standing in front of the entrance to the library, which had a post-it note sticking to it.

"_Stupid children should stay out of the library while_

_Naga and Kara are out to lunch… especially stupid girls who_

_are named 'Rainbow'._

_Love: Librarians Naga and Kara."_

Since it didn't mention anything about stupid guys named Bono who wished to enter the catacombs of the library to throw off stalkers, he entered without hesitation and dived headlong into the mazes of various shelves. Using his impeccable Arayashiki sense of direction, he quickly navigated deep into the heart of the dark, musty, abandoned bowels of the school library, to the section with all the horrid autobiographies of such people as Cory Feldman, Vanilla Ice, Jenny Jones and Tyne Daley that no one would ever read. But the further he delved into the endless maze of the school library, the stronger his sense of danger came on.

Finally, after turning left the autobiography of Lionel Ritchie, he thought for sure he had lost whoever it was that had been hunting him so relentlessly; that's when he was tackled and pinned to the floor.

"AAAHHH!" He screamed, showing his brave, Arayashiki valiance.

His hunter was, of course, another of the Canadian foreign exchange students. I bet you'll never guess what he wanted to know from Bono.

"What do you know about Janet!" The large, hairy fellow barked.

"She's Michael's sister!"

"… What?"

"… You _are _talking about Janet Jackson, aren't you?"

"No."

"Oh… Well, in that case I can't help you."

"Aww damn! Ya sure?"

"Yeah, sorry… Actually, I think I have a neighbor named Janet. Is the chick you're looking for lonely, middle-aged, and an unpleasant chain-smoker, who owns a bunch of cats?"

"Umm… I don't think so."

"Oh… Then, yeah, sorry I couldn't have been of more help."

"Nah, it's okay; sorry I stalked and pummeled you."

"No problem; this kind of thing happens all the time."

"Really?"

"Yeah, you'd be surprised… Can you get off me now?"

"What's going on in here!" A young woman's voice rang out through the library, from near the entrance. The two "adversaries" turned their heads to see two girls silhouetted against the blinding light of the library door. A mysterious, invisible (or something) fanfare sounded and they stepped forward to reveal themselves as the suspiciously close friends from the original Juvenile Orion series: Mana Kirihara and Haruna Itsuke.

"We heard some screaming while we were in the bathroom… not making-out!" Said Mana.

"She means 'using the bathroom'." Haruna corrected.

"Oh… that would have a better lie."

"Bono, is that you?"

"Yeah. Hey what's up?" Bono replied.

"Hey! You get off him!" Mana exclaimed.

"AHH!" The Canadian foreign exchange student exclaimed, as he jumped up and sprung towards the nearest window.

"Yeah you better run, you little bastard!" Haruna exclaimed.

"Isshin Shiba's gonna kick your ass!" Mana followed.

"And he's a fifth-year senior, ya know!"

The two girls came running to Bono's side and Haruna helped him up off the floor.

"Are you alright?" Mana asked.

"Yeah, fine, sure." Bono replied.

"What was he doing?" Haruna inquired.

"Well, he tackled me and asked me about some chick named 'Janet'." He said.

"Reno?" Mana asked.

"I don't think; the first person that came to my mind was Janet Jackson, but apparently that wasn't who he was looking for either."

Cyrano Ando skipped her last class of the day every day; in fact, she had skipped it so often that she wasn't even quite sure what class it was. Oh well, she had more important things to do, like her work for the Yakuza (Japanese Mafia). Every day, her chauffeur, Weiss Ange, came to pick her up in her massive, black Jaguar (the vehicle responsible for the hole in Michiko's wall) with a change of clothes (no sense in bloodying her school uniform), along with the vile she wore around her neck, which contained Lizaretti (the talking eyeball of one of her many victims).

On this day, everything was going according the schedule: Weiss arrived right on time to pick her up, a clean change of her scanty, black garb was waiting in the backseat with Lizaretti, and now Cyrano stood between the car and the school wall, changing out of her uniform, while Weiss smoked a cigarette, leaning up against the hood of the automobile. Just as she had slipped out of her skirt and thrown it onto the backseat, she felt something fly past her face. She turned to see a sharpened, metal crucifix attached to a chain, lying on the ground near her. Her head quickly swerved to her other side to see (bet you can't guess who) the fourth and final Canadian foreign exchange student (the goofy-looking one with the white boy afro and the glasses) standing several feet away, drawing the chain with the crucifix attached back to him. With cat-like reflexes, Cyrano snatched the crucifix from the ground before her could get it close enough for him to take back.

"Lecherous pervert! Watching me change!" She exclaimed. "When the Yakuza hears this you'll have hell to pay!"

"I want no problems with you or the mafia; nor was I watching you undress." The stranger replied.

"Oh yeah? Then who are you! What do you want!" She interrogated.

"My name is Bonaparte; and I want you to tell me all you know about Janet."

"Well, _Bonaparte_, I'm sorry to tell you that I don't know any 'Janet'! Now if you don't mind, I've got places to go and people to kill… and possibly eat!"

"Think hard."

"Eat me."

At that, Bonaparte gave a quick jerk to the chain, causing the crucifix to fly up from Cyrano's hands and hit her in the face.

"Ouch! Son of a bitch!" She cursed. Ceasing this moment of opportunity, Bonaparte took off towards the other end of the school. "Hey! You get back here!" Cyrano yelled as she dashed around to the front of the car. "Weiss Ange!" She called to her driver, who was finishing his cigarette at that time.

"Yes, Miss Cyrano?"

"Bring me my 'weapon-of-choice'!"

"The blender again, Miss Cyrano?"

"Yes, of course the blender, Weiss!"

And so, armed with her trusty blender, Cyrano took off to look for Bonaparte, dressed only in her undergarments and her necklace, which contained Lizaretti. She stealthily passed the hole in Michiko's wall… though not stealthily enough, because Michiko and all of her last-period students saw her glide by.

"Hey! That was Cyrano Ando!" Fjord Von Bono stated. "And she was half naked, carrying a blender!"

"Gawd, what's she doing now?" Michiko mumbled.

"She's so creepy!" A whiney girl with an annoyingly high-pitched voice said. "Go do something Miss Izumi!"

"No! Now shut up and read!" Michiko retorted.

Cyrano had sleekly passed the hole in the wall without so much as glancing inside; she was a woman on a mission that she would not be deterred from. She hadn't gone far passed the hole when she found the foreign exchange student, who had awakened her wrath. She approached a bush at the far-right corner of the wall that surrounded the school. All along the insider of the wall, there were many trees and bushes for one to hide in. This is where Cyrano spotted a large, puffy globe of hair, sticking out from the bushes.

"Heeya!" She shrieked as she slammed the dreaded blender down upon the dome of thick hair.

The bell rang, signaling that school was over for the day.

"AAAAHHHHH!" Bonaparte screamed in pain, jumping up from the bushes.

"That's what you get for staring at me while I took my uniform off and then hit me in the face with that goddamn cross!"

"AHH! I'm sorry!"

"Emasculate him! Emasculate him! Remove his genitalia!" Lizaretti cried from his vile.

Cyrano smiled evilly. "Sounds like a good idea, Lizaretti."

"NOOOO!" Bonaparte screamed.

She quickly took apart the blender and pulled out the blade.

"Cyrano Ando!" She heard someone shout from behind her: it was Michiko. "Get in here! We're having an emergency meeting of the Nuances of Toast!"

"Coming!" Cyrano replied. She turned her head back around to face Bonaparte, but he had already run off. "Ugh… No fun today…"


	2. Part Two

**Part Two**

Cyrano entered Michiko's class through the hole in the wall to find it empty, with the exception of the four other Nuances of Toast, gathered around the front row of desks.

"What happened to your clothes?" Bono asked her as she took a seat beside him.

"They're waiting out in the Jag." Cyrano replied, adjusting her hair.

"… By the way, what were you doing prancing around in your underwear a few minutes ago?" Michiko asked.

"Some lecher was watching me change clothes; I think it was that funny-looking foreign exchange student. Then he had the gall ask me about some bitch named 'Janet'!" Cyrano explained. "So I whipped out my blender and beat the shit out of him." She smiled.

"Which brings us to the subject of this emergency meeting of the Nuances of Toast." Michiko said. "Ironically… or not so ironically, maybe… Tob Bim, another of the Canadian foreign exchange students from Canada, confronted Rainbow about the very same subject in a most unfriendly manner."

"The subject being 'Janet'? Yeah I got the same thing from the guy with the ponytail, but he was surprisingly polite about it… other than the part where he tackled me." Bono mentioned.

"Same here." Amaya chimed in. "Except there wasn't any tackling in situation; just general uneasiness on my part. I caught the one that looks like a girl staring at me in the restroom while I was brushing my teeth."

"Wait… He's not a girl?" Rainbow asked.

"I know, I was shocked too."

"I knew he was boy." Cyrano bragged. "I've got mad boujen-guy/boujen-girl skills."

"More importantly, you were brushing your teeth in a public restroom?" Bono questioned.

"Yes, I accidentally ate a poppy seed bagel, thank you very much." Amaya answered.

"Let's try to veer back to the subject at hand." Michiko suggested. "I cannot imagine that it is coincidental that four-out-of-five Nuances were approached in—for the most part—hostile ways. They're no foreign exchange students! They're henchmen, sent by some higher governing force, who is probably being manipulated by an even higher governing force! I've seen this happen dozens of times on Sailor Moon! … Now we only need to figure out who's giving them orders."

"I'm gonna go out on a limb and say 'Janet'." Bono suggested.

"No, that can't be! They're looking for Janet." Michiko argued.

"Actually, Bono's hypothesis is quite valid." Super Smart Rainbow of DOOM stated. "Granted, Michiko, the idea that Janet is someone they are searching for would make the most sense because they've all been asking us what we know of her, possibly looking for information on where she is and how to find her. But you also must ask yourself, why would they ask us? As well as, why the _four of us _in particular?"

"… I donno." Cyrano replied after a brief moment of silence.

"Exactly!" Super Smart Rainbow of DOOM said. "If you all remember correctly, earlier today, when they first came into English Literature and Michiko asked where they were from and Tob replied 'Janet'. When she questioned this, he said instead that they were from 'Canada'. It is my theory that, in his subconscious, when he was asked where he was from, he immediately thought of the person who had sent him: Janet. Going on this, I'd have to go with Bono on saying that Janet is their leader, and quite possibly she is someone who has something against the Nuances of Toast."

"… Then who the hell's Janet… and why isn't she after Michiko?" Asked Amaya. Her question was followed by several shoulder-shrugs and "I donnos" from Cyrano, Rainbow and Bono.

"… Ohhhhhhh shiiiiiiiiit…" Michiko thought aloud, nearly inaudibly.

"What is it?" Cyrano asked.

"… I believe I know who 'Janet' is." She replied.

"Who?"

Michiko sighed a heavy sigh. "Alright children… I'm going to take you far back, into my painful, painful past… When I was in college—''

"That wasn't all that long ago." Amaya interrupted.

'Haha, I guess you're right Amaya." Michiko agreed. "After all, I'm _only _twenty-three… and I _am _the youngest person on staff here at Sushi-Teriyaki-Sake High School… I guess life isn't so bad after all." All antihistamines she had taken earlier that day were finally beginning to kick in.

"Heischen!" Bono exclaimed. "… You were saying, Michiko."

"Oh yes! About Janet!" She wandered back over to the subject. "When I was in college, in the United States, I got involved in some heavy shit."

"Drugs?" Rainbow asked.

"No."

"Drug-_trafficking_?" Bono asked.

"No."

"White-slave trade on the Black Market?" Cyrano asked.

"… No… Shows how highly you guys think of me." Said Michiko. "I got involved with a small, caddy band of Wiz-Doms (and a few Mind-Breakers)… it was a lot like the Nuances of Toast, except there was more bitchiness and backstabbing… and cameras…"

"Cameras?" Questioned Amaya.

"Yeah, we were in cahoots with the WB for a reality show about four Wiz-Dom girls and a Mind-Breaker and their daily lives… but the network wasn't feeling it, so it never aired." Michiko explained.

"… Kinky." Cyrano commented.

"Anyway, one of the bitches in my platoon was a Mind-Breaker named Janet… God she was such a whiney, little bitch!" Michiko said.

"And let me guess, you and the other Wiz-Dom girls couldn't stand her and so you tortured her, so now she's out to get the four of us for retribution?" Asked Bono.

"No! Of course not!" Cried Michiko. "… Well, actually, in a roundabout way, yes. You see, our superiors had sent us on a mission to investigate this freaky old house in Oakland; and, to make a very long and boring story short, this creepy little Mind-Breaker girl lived there with a creepy Wiz-Dom guy, and they captured Janet and held her for ransom."

"… Did you go back and get her?" Amaya asked.

"Nope: too much trouble." Michiko replied. "Instead we ran off, back to San Francisco and told our superiors she was dead… or something… It's been a while; I can't quite remember. … But yeah, after that, me and the other Wiz-Dom bitches went our separate ways and never spoke again… And I lived, considerably, happily-ever-after, until now."

"… What a happy ending." Rainbow commented, sarcastically.

There was an old house down by the bay, in a considerably not-good neighborhood that had been abandoned for years and years. At one time, an old sea-captain's widow had lived there, but that was long ago and it had since fallen into disrepair… or so everyone assumed; but recently movers had been coming and going from the place, as if someone had finally bought the old place.

On the second floor of the old house was a bedroom with a large bed with a wire frame and heavy bedspread adorned with stars and moons on in. After returning from their first day at Sushi-Teriyaki-Sake High School, the Canadian foreign exchange students gathered in a line in front of that bed, in order of rank: first Tob, then Groundsquirrel, then Al (the guy with the ponytail that stalked Bono through the library), and finally Bonaparte. They stood there in complete silence for quite a long time before the person in the bed began to stir.

"… What the fuck are you four doing here so early?" The auburn-hair woman asked groggily, as she surface from her sea of covers.

"Umm… School is over…" Tob replied meekly.

"… What?" She glanced over at her digital clock-radio. "… Oh Jesus Christ… looks like I overslept a little." The foreign exchange students said nothing; in fact they didn't even look directly at her. "Alright, how did it go? Did you find them all?"

"Yes ma'am: the four younger ones are all in the same sixth-period class, which is, ironically, taught by the older one." Tob replied.

"Excellent, we shall crush them." Janet said, yawning and running a hand through her curly, auburn locks.

"Soon?" Asked Tob.

"No." Janet replied. "I want them to… _flounder_… a bit… And don't harm the old one! … And possibly the European one! They are for me… the old one at least."

The day had been long and the day had been hard for Maria Von Bono, and she returned to her apartment downtown, wishing only to collapse in her bed and sleep until her brother, Bono, woke her up for dinner. She climbed the steps, walked over to her door and jostled the knob; it was locked: she was the first one home. She pulled her keys out of her briefcase, unlocked the door, and stepped inside. There, in the living-room, on the couch, sat Isshin Shiba.

"My… _gawd!_ … Don't you ever go home! Don't you have a family or a life or something outside of my apartment!" Maria ranted, though to no avail, as Isshin was asleep sitting up, with his arms crossed and his feet propped up on the coffee table.

For a brief moment, the anger inside of her spilled over, ever-so slightly, and she threw her briefcase across the dining-room table (which was in the living-room, because the living-room, dining-room and kitchen were all sort of the same thing). It slid across the surface, and knocked various, unnamed objects off: including a certain can of Cran-Apple Juice from Concentrate.

"Oh my! What the duce!" It exclaimed.

"… Bev?" Maria asked cautiously.

"Yes, young mistress?" The can replied.

"… Are you alright?"

"Oh yes, young mistress; I was just strangely knocked from the table top by a sudden gale."

"… Do you need some help?"

"… Yes… And possibly a white-wine spritzer, if you could manage it, young mistress."

"… Are you drunk again, Bev?"

"No! That's the problem, now are you going to help me off the bloody floor or not?"

Maria walked around to the other side of the table, sifted through the rest of the debris that had been knocked off the table by the great "gale" that Bev had spoken of, until she found her and sat her up on the tabletop again.

"Now, how about that spritzer?"

"Bev, you're an alcoholic; I don't think it would be very wise of me to give you something like that."

"BWA! I'll have you know, I am _not _an 'alcoholic'! _I _am a _lush_!" Bev differentiated. "The very thought that _I'm _an alcoholic! I'm appalled, young mistress! For Christ sake my name is _'Non-Alcoholic Beverage'_!"

"Fine! I'll get you a fucking white-wine spritzer! Just shut the hell up!"

Bev smiled smugly. "Thought you'd see it my way."

From behind her, Maria heard the door close. She turned around to see her youngest brother (the closest thing she would ever have to a sister): Maxim Von Bono.

"Geeze pop a Midol!" He responded to Maria's screaming, which he had heard from out in the hall.

"What are you doing home so early? The middle school doesn't let out for another hour." Maria asked him.

"My last-period teacher owed me a favor, so he let me out early."

Maria paused for a moment to process what Maxim had just said, along with what Amaya had mentioned to her earlier that day when they were talking of her older brother's sexuality.

"Oooohhhh gaawwd!" She mumbled, repulsed and shuttering violently.

"… What's you're problem?"

"… Nothing…" She thought it best not to mention it just yet; not until she had a talk with Bono.

"What's this freeloader still doing here?" Maxim asked, motioning towards the sleeping Isshin on the couch.

"Ugh, I donno; you'd have to ask Bono: they're attached at whichever body part you care to think of."

"I like young master Isshin!" Bev butted in.

"No body asked you, Drunkie." Maxim snapped.

There was a moment of awkward silence.

"… Maxim?" Maria spoke up.

"What?"

"… Do you know a girl about your age named Maxine?"

Maxim said nothing at first: afraid his older sister had found out his secret. Damn that Bono! he thought. He promised he wouldn't tell anyone!

"… Max?"

"Nope! Don't know any Maxine!"

"Oh… Okay, just wondering."

"… I'm going to my room now don't bother me 'til dinner!" Maxim spewed out rapidly and ran off to the back bedroom, slamming the door behind him.

"… Bev?"

"Yes, young mistress?"

"I need you to do me a favor."

"What is that, young mistress?"

"I need you to be my eyes and ears in this house. Do not let Maxim, Bono or that sack of crap over there on the couch out of your sight."

"What about young master Fjord?"

"I don't care what Fjord's doing. I already know what he does: he sits in his room and downloads loud, obnoxious, British punk music and animated pornography because he's a huge perv." Maria stated, walking into the kitchen area and over to the refrigerator.

"And what will you be doing while I investigate?" Asked Bev.

"Sleeping; now, have a spritzer." Maria replied, tossing an alcoholic beverage over towards her spiritual advisor. Bev squealed with delight and Maria sauntered off to her bedroom to nap.

After the emergency meeting of the Nuances of Toast, Michiko returned to her home with much on her mind; particularly why Janet, if it was the Janet she was thinking of, had come all the way from America to harass her students.

"Are you alright Michiko?" Amaya asked, as they entered the parking lot of their home at El Cheapo Apartments.

"No, never."

"I mean, are you _particularly _not alright?"

"Hmm… I suppose so."

"Because of Janet?"

Michiko sighed. "Yes… She was always a shitty Mind-Breaker; I wonder what in the name of God she's thinking of doing here." She unlocked the door and opened it up.

"Excuse me! Miss Izumi!" She heard from down the hall: it was Tomonori.

"Good afternoon, Tomonori." Michiko replied, blushing a little.

"And good afternoon, Miss Takehiko. Keeping up with your studies I assume?"

"… Yeah." Amaya lied (and to a priest, at that… Oh well, she's not a catholic).

"Good, good. Miss Izumi, I was wondering if you would like to accompany me on a walk around our fair apartment complex?"

"OMIGOD YES! I MEAN—Why certainly."

"But Michiko, we have dinner reservations." Amaya reminded.

"Quiet you!" Michiko hissed.

"Well then… shall we be going?" Asked Tomonori.

"Yes, of course." Michiko replied.

"But what about our reservations!"

"I don't know! Take one of the other nuances!" And with that, Michiko and the suave priest had disappeared down the hall.

Pissed, Amaya marched inside and slammed the door.

_"UGH! Friends aren't supposed to blow off other friends for mildly attractive, quiet, debonair and benevolent priests that live just down the hall!"_ Amaya brooded. _"… Alright, I've gotta eat and I can't go to a restaurant alone: I'll look too desperate and lonely, like that woman with all the cats that runs Bono's apartment building… Alright, so Cyrano wouldn't be able go: she's always so busy wreaking havoc on the city after school. I don't know Rainbow's number… in fact, I don't even know where she lives… That's awfully suspicious of her, to keep something like that a secret… And Bono's probably too busy doing the 'responsible adult' thing and taking care of his mini-family to go out to eat. Great! Looks like I'm fucked again! … Wait a minute… I've got it!" _An ingenious idea suddenly came to her. _"I'll invite Kaname Kusakabe! And he'll say yes and we'll have a lovely dinner and fall madly in love with one another and that'll show that uptight bitch Mana Kirihara what's up!"_

She rushed over to the phone and knelt down to pick up a phonebook from beside it, that's when she notices something lightly fall onto the top of her head. Warily, she took it off and looked at it: it was a napkin with the words "Hey! Look behind you!" written on it in blue ink. Force of impulse forced her to turn around and look. There, staring her in the face, was a bouquet of wilting poppies.

"AAAHHH!" She shrieked and jumped back. After quickly composing herself, she got a good look at the person holding these withered flowers of DOOM: it was Bonaparte, of the creepy, Canadian foreign exchange students. "How the hell did you get in here!"

"You left the door open."

"Oh… Go home!"

"I hear you have an irrational fear of poppy seeds." He said randomly.

"How did you know—Hey! You're that creepy Canadian kid who was watching Cyrano get dressed earlier! Tell me everything you know about Janet!" Amaya retorted.

"Well, Janet is—Wait! _I _ask _you _that!"

"Your creepy, little friend—Groundrodent or whatever his name is—already asked me!"

"Oh… LOOK OVER THERE!" And, being the impulsive person that she was, Amaya did indeed "look over there"… that's when he punched her in the stomach.

"OWCH! You ugly son-of-a-bitch!" She screamed, followed by several other exclaimed profanities. Just as she was about to take a swing at him, the front door flew open: it was Tsukasa.

"What's going on in here!" He questioned, standing in the doorway. For a brief moment, doing said or did anything. Noticing this, Bonaparte took this chance to flee to the window and jump out, into the parking lot.

"Damnit!" Amaya cursed.

"… Are you okay?" Tsukasa asked.

She sighed. "Yep…" At this point she was thoroughly exhausted, too much so to put herself out to be rejected by Kaname Kusakabe. "… Tsukasa? Ya wanna go to dinner?"

"Uhh… sure."

Meanwhile, on El Cheapo apartment's "Nature Trail" (which was really just a thicket of trees and brush that sprouted up around the bog where all the sewage in the apartment complex flowed into), Michiko and Tomonori were having a pleasant little walk, arm-in-arm, speaking of such things as their occupations at Sushi-Teriyaki-Sake High School. Michiko recommended to Tomonori that he put in a good word for her with the principal and superintendent (as he was the darling of the high school and school system as a whole, at that). She thought that if she could get in nice with him that she might have a better chance of getting her wall fixed by winter… among other things.

"Now Michiko…" Tomonori said, his voice turning from light and happy, to heavy and grim. "… I know I've mentioned this before… But I really don't think you should be living with—"

"Yes, yes, I know…" Michiko said, sounding very wearily of the subject already. "You don't like Amaya; you've made it quite apparent through her Algebra grade (you could at least _try _not to play favorites)."

" 'Favorites'! I play no such game!" Tomonori retorted.

"Fine. But you shouldn't pass judgement on Amaya living with me so quickly. I mean, _you _live with _Tsukasa_… and that's a far more suspicious pairing than Amaya and myself."

"More suspicious! How do you figure!"

"Well… A full-grown man living with a young boy who he is not bound to in anyway bound to you and who has the meek look of someone who has been beaten and/or molested as a small child."

And at that Tomonori smacked her in the face.

"… What was that!" Michiko exclaimed.

"I-I'm sorry… Miss Izumi… I was completely—" Before he could finish his sentence, Michiko had punched him squarely in the nose. "Hey!" And with that, Tomonori mimicked her action.

They went back and forth like that for a few minutes—arm-in-arm—before Michiko had had enough and pushed Tomonori into the sewage pit and marched back to her apartment, hoping to catch up with Amaya before she found someone else to go to dinner with. She was disappointed when she got back and found a bright yellow post-it that read:

"_Thanks for ditching me, Michiko._

_I was forced to take Tsukasa to dinner._

_Hope you had a nice walk._

_(You can't see this, but I'm making an obscene gesture towards you)._

_Love: Amaya"_

And thus, feeling guilty, Michiko drowned her sorrows in a pint of ice cream and a bag of "Potato Crispies" (a generic brand of potato chips).

_Giovanni-Kun's Authentic Italian Restaurant_ was an anything-but-authentic Italian restaurant run by a Japanese culinary school dropout with horrible acne named "Kip". It was literally the cheapest, most low-class restaurant in the whole city. Then why would someone need reservations? Well, there were a lot of people in the city (like Amaya, and, more-so, Michiko) who were cheap. Many of these same people were also lazy, and thus hated cooking. So where can cheap, lazy people go to be fed without paying much? _Giovanni-Kun's _of course.

Amaya and Tsukasa were seated and ordered their meals. Amaya ordered a massive steak, as she assumed that would be the item least likely to have poppy seeds lurking within it; she's had enough trauma with that for one day. Tsukasa, though, only ordered a small salad with no dressing. Finding this quite odd, Amaya dared to ask:

"… Is that all you're gonna eat?"

"Yeah."

"Are you sure? It's all on Michiko's credit card and I'm pissed at her, so money is no object."

"Yeah, I'm sure… Every time I go to eat something 'unhealthy' I keep hearing this voice in my head saying 'Tsukasa… Tsukasa, don't eat that! Don't eat that, Tsukasa! You're getting fat, Tsukasa!'…"

Amaya paused to take this bit of information in.

"… Are you a schizophrenic?"

"Umm… No?"

"Do you suffer from an eating disorder?"

"Maybe… That seams more likely than me being schizophrenic."

Amaya was also going to ask him about his sexual orientation and what his _real _relationship with Tomonori was; but before the words could pass her lips she noticed a group of five people entering the restaurant out of the corner of her eye. Upon further examination, she recognized them as the Von Bono family featuring Isshin Shiba. They were seated at a long table near her and Tsukasa; and so Amaya decided she should go say hello to her friends and try to explain what had happened earlier that day with the poppy seeds to Maria Von Bono.

"Hey look, it's Bono and his siblings. Let's go say hi." Amaya suggested to Tsukasa.

"Yeah might as well…" He replied, looking down at the half-eaten salad. "… I'm not gonna be able to finish this anyway."

The two of them stood up and walked over to the Von Bonos' table.

"Bono Von Bono!"

"AHH!" Bono yelped, turning around. "Oh, it's Amaya and the perfectly harmless Tsukasa Amou… having dinner… alone."

"Yeah, it's on Michiko. She ditched me for Tomonori, so I took Tsukasa to dinner instead, as sort of a 'thank you for saving me from a creepy Canadian foreign exchange student' thing."

"Aww, how sweet."

Bono was dressed down, out of his school uniform, wearing mostly black (which had faded into more of a dark gray). He never looked exactly like "royalty". He rarely shaved, his hair was always disheveled; he was wearing his glasses (at school that day he had had his contacts in). He was wearing blue jeans and black converse, with a black, long-sleeved shirt and another black, button-up shirt overtop of it.

"So, Bono, I figured you'd be at home, cooking and being a responsible adult." Amaya said.

"Pft! No! I can't cook to save my life." He replied. "Everyone was bitching the whole way here about how they're all so sick of cheap, Italian food; but hell if I'm gonna pay anymore for a little thing like food."

At that very moment, their friend and fellow Nuance, Secret Agent Rainbow burst into the non-smoking section (where Bono, Amaya, and company were chatting) from one of the private dining rooms, wearing a heavy fur coat (it was late spring), silk gloves, a large hat, and an overabundance of jewels. Two men, who were speaking to her in hurried Russian, followed her. She replied in Russian, as well, using melodramatic hand motions. She was crying, but Bono and Amaya knew her well enough to tell when she was faking it (which she was).

"Rainbow?" Said Amaya.

"Amaya! And Bono!" Rainbow replied. "… And Tsukasa… and the entire Von Bono clan, plus Issin… Oh my… … … I gotta go!" And with that, she took off out the door without so much as looking at her Russian friends again. They stood there, looking awkwardly at Bono and Amaya; and likewise for the two Nuances, before the Russian men excused themselves from the restaurant without a word.

"Did you catch what they were saying?" Amaya asked.

"Uhh… Rainbow said something about a cat… or a diaphragm; I donno, my Russian is pretty rusty." Bono replied. "I didn't catch anything the two guys said… Probably wasn't all that important anyway."

"… Freaks!" Maxim exclaimed. They all stared at him.

"Oh yeah; _they're _freaks." Bono replied.

"… You said you wouldn't tell anyone!"

"I didn't."

An awkward silence fell over the Von Bonos' table.

"… What the hell are you guys talked about!" Fjord exclaimed. "Stuff like this happens all the time where you two—or _three_, usually, since Bono and Maria are so fuckin' chummy!—start talking about something act like I'm not even here and leave me wondering what the hell is going on!"

"It's not important, Fjord." Said Maria.

"Wait, Maria, _you _know?" Bono asked.

"What! No! Amaya told me—I mean, nothing! I know nothing!" Maria replied nervously.

"OH! _Amaya _knows!" Maxim exclaimed.

Bono glanced over at Amaya. "I don't know what Maria talking about; the girl's not right in the head, ya know." She said.

"This is just fucking **great**! Lemme guess, Isshin knows too!" Maxim shrieked.

Isshin yawned. "… What?"

"UNBELIEVABLE!" Maxim screeched. "If you all don't mind, I'm gonna go HANG myself now!" And with that, he stomped off to the bathroom.

"God, what a queen." Tsukasa remarked, making Amaya giggle. "… I'm sorry, I _really _don't know what's going on."

At that point, they had the entire restaurant staring at them.

"Haha, nothing to see here folks!" Bono laughed awkwardly, scratching his head.

Suddenly, a group of people entered Giovanni-kun's.

"God! What a dump!" It was the infamous Canadian foreign exchange students.

"Shut up Groundsquirrel! Janet only gave us ten bucks in this is the only place in town where we can all eat on that much." Tob replied.

"Hey look! It's that guy I tackled in the library today!" Al said, pointing across the room at Bono.

Bono and Amaya stood there, frozen. "Oh shit…" Amaya mumbled, getting the feeling of something sinking inside of her.

13


End file.
